The ramblings of Gree

Starbuck, eat your heart out.

2007-11-04T23:16:00.000+09:00

I thought I had better post because I wanted prove I can do so more than Nigel. He must be short of material worth posting. Maybe it's like Capricorn I and he really isn't riding around the world, he's just in his apartment in Tokyo photoshopping his head into pics he got off flickr.
Anyway, I had to post this picture of a bicycle I spotted that must be owned by someone aboard Galactica (Which restarts in a few weeks). This was , of course a mama bike complete with baby seat, for who else would have such a thing written on their frame.
The second pic is a common one off the net but one I find particularly amusing for some reason, maybe because it's something I would do if wearing full leathers. I saw a dude the other day riding a scooter with a sleek black tinted fullface helmet. Damn I wish I had had my camera. With the T-shirt and scrawny body it was a real giga-helmet. I love the fact that the other people in the park are oblivious, like it's quite a normal sight.
I am happy to say this blog has not been hijacked as I thought, since my password didn't work. Turns out my google account name was entered wrong (Arnie voice 'bawwwww') so all is good.
Looking forward to seeing everybody soon.

Some disturbing pictures

2007-08-31T13:54:00.000+09:00

Now I found this photo when cleaning up around the place. I believe it was Mums place, Christmas 2003 or so. The scan is really bad (I have a crappy scanner/printer) but all is not as it seems.

Have a look further down the page.
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and if you're still not quite sure what exactly is wrong...you know theres something wrong but can't quite place what's been done......
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Dodd has been Cruised.

He who controls the spice, controls the universe.

2007-08-05T12:11:00.000+09:00

A recent project I haven't had time to take pictures of. A guy at work is into modeling characters with clay and he's pretty good so I decided to give it a try. This was the result. I probably tried something too challenging but it was fun nonetheless. Yes it is Mau'dib and yes his thumper is actually a mini screwdriver so no need to give me a hard time about that one. His head is a little too small and his eyes are just dots but he turned out ok considering it was me that made him. My attention span being what it is, his hands were rushed so are just blobs and his paint job is a bit rough coz pin insisted on doing most of it. Almost as rude as the dune vid I sent out. If you didn't get it heres the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mo0OxH0SP0
Try watching it all, it gets funnier as you go through. For Dune fans only though.
A few other Youtube links I found that had to be posted. For c64 and Amiga nostalgia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUoJBerFDsA
I think I played 95% of these games at one time or another.
For Spish and Dodd. Warning, this has bad associated Tasmania memories:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkL2PH5fQ7w

And for the Sunday Roast nights in Fitz:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_V1lYUDXYgg

Any more cool ones, please post. Kurt and I have been playing MK3 on Mame with SNES games pads. I hate Nightwolf but if Kurt uses him I counter with Lou fck'n cheat Kang and the cycle kick.

Hanabi season

2007-08-05T11:00:00.000+09:00

Typical stinkin', @#$'in hot day here in Bombay..er Tokyo. Went to the Fireworks last night. Cool but really crowded as you'd expect. We arrived at 6:30, just enough time to find a spot to stand. Couldn't get all the way to the river though. We discovered in hind sight that the best spot was actually in front of a convenience store in a nondescript back street that was actually almost under the epicenter and offered a wide sky view with space to sit down. Will remember for next year. I can't believe the tenacity of the locals. Many families got there before 4 pm to get a spot. It was a 36 degree day with unbelievable humidity and they didn't think twice about bringing their small kids to wait for 3 hours for the show. In any event the show was good and we left a little early to avoid the mad rush to the train station. The timing was perfect to get the finale while on the platform, just before the doors closed on the train. My fireworks fix for the decade satiated.
Inson still has bad morning sickness. She calls throwing up 'gebo' and I'm not sure if it's Japanese or just a made up Inson word. When I told her mum on the phone,'Inson is doing Gebo' Inson laughed and her mum didn't seem to understand.
I have some rudeness which I will post in later installments, just wanted to get this thing active again in the hope some of you will actually read it. No peeps coming from Melb. other than mum these days. Partly my fault I know, I feel like all I do is work and sleep and neglect my computer habit which happens to also be my portal to the western world. When one goes down the other is lost too. If you want to see more pictures, I will be posting some more on my flickr site
http://www.flickr.com/photos/gree/
Now I can officially give shite to Keb again for his blogglessness.

Jacob's ladder

2007-04-05T19:29:00.000+09:00

I know this picture is repeated in my flickr account (gree1001) but thought it was a good excuse to make a new post, something sorely in need of attention.
Good to see it's finally starting to warm up a little here. Cherry blossom season and all that.
1. Who art we to skin a _______ head.
2. Lord of the high slung bottoms of ______.
3. We are eating at ____________, come over.
4. Take him to __________
5. David, you're a ____________. What does that mean?
6. If I'm China and you're ________________!
7. No sir, I don't like it. His Butt's too________. I've heard of that.
8. Feelo, Sundoo, ________.
9. Roudy Doudy Doo Da ______.
10. Do we have a _________ that could look the same.

I have been teaching pin some famous English songs such as "Moscow, Moscow, see the Russian teddy bear, dancing in his underwear. oh oh oh oh oh. Hey!" She can sing it pretty well. She is also exceptionally good at pulling rude heads. I remember Ben saying that Mace had the same rare ability at about the same age. Talk about the selfish gene. That one is as stubborn as they come. There must be some biological advantage to such an ability or it would not be such a successful genetic trait. Darwin would be scratching his head. Perhaps there are examples in the Galapagos islands of animals that when attacked, pull rude heads, scaring off their attackers and hence surviving to continue their genetic legacy. The ultimate culmination of this evolutionary process would of course be the Gee family. The next rung up in the development of the so called super human. The universes seeeuper being.

Horsehead Nebula

2007-02-17T17:18:00.000+09:00

While on a stroll through Inokashira park we came across this specimen. I thought I was traveling at light speed through the cosmos and had come across this most famous of all astral phenomena. All I could think of was, 'Genius! Why did I not think of this first?'
Pyon was not amused. Especially since he had an exceptionally smooth bock and the Japanese equivalent of KT26's.
Which is better then? One pair of $100 Nike's for 1 year, or 10 pairs of KT26's for the same time period? Schulze would argue the latter although he would make the one pair last 1 year so comparison is a moot point.
Were we really that cool. Darby's totally classy nightclub. $15 black barter scouts coz they won't let you in without leather shoes. Happy hour half price Bundy & Coke in each hand coz happy hour's about to run out. Shiny grey baggy trousers borrowed for the occasion in combination with $2 green t-shirt. Virago cologne. In the VIP room which is just another room but with less stale beer on the floor and glass windows. Sitting across from a dance platform with a male Bouncer/Dancer in Lycra Bike shorts and sporting huge fafolta, pelvis gyrating to 'Jack to the sound of the underground'. Sitting next to 2 chicks who look good because of the Bundy & Cokes but you know your senses are letting you down because they are affectionately known as 'Mongoloid' and 'Steroid', and the best loking chick in the place is going out with a guy who wears Stone-wash stretch Fabergé jeans when not forced into polyester for this weekly tradition.
The DJ is looked on as a god here but is just a big haired bogan with one bike glove on. The chicks are playing 'Who has the biggest bangs' while dancing in their high-heels in a circle around their purses and Winny Blues'. The DJ has a bunch of hangers with even bigger hair and mullets who know every tune he plays, the label it's on and the BPM. A bunch of guys are in one corner of the dance floor wearing splat pants stompin' because they have members medallions and know the door bitch so can get in without polyester.
Need I go on...

I am not a furry!

2007-01-14T00:37:00.000+09:00

Walking around Shinjuku I come across a bunch of rabbits and figure, when in Rome. My stupidity often amazes even me. Sales season so went to Zara for some new duds. Tried on about 5 pairs of jeans and found one pair that doesn't make my butt look big. (as it is) In the changing room carefully fold that pair, put it aside for purchase and throw the pile of unacceptable ones at the store clerk. Go and pay, go home and decide to try them on. Open the bag and realize the pair was not the one I had selected but a much daggier pair I had discarded. What a loser. At what point did I think I was capable of surviving in modern society without a bib (fortuna) and dummy. Anyway, Inson's gonna take them back for me tomorrow while I lay on the couch and watch American Chopper, as is my Sunday morning tradition. She will pay for my lack of vision. This is the way of things. Except that American Chopper has been discontinued on Sunday in favour of some Beyond 2000 kind of thing that is sadly out of date and still doing stories about the wonders of Carbon Fiber and ethanol. And they even have the gaul to have ads for the AC boxed DVD set since we can no longer see Paul Jr talking about chroming and power coating while Paul Sr has another (oh so obviously) roid rage fit in the background.
Finally got this comp up and working properly, the old one now inhabits the HAL case. Don't know what else to say as I am a bit en-beveraged and need a slash.

Later...

I Know, I know

2007-01-07T22:36:00.000+09:00

Yes, It's been an obscenely long time since an update. The main problem is not lack of material but lack of pictures to go with it. You can also blame this new job which I am just getting used to enough to start catching up with my old interests. Job is getting easier but still very challenging. I think it will be easier to get used to than the casino was but much easier than teaching, by a long shot. Much more fulfilling than either.
I spent most of the (short) winter holidays getting this new computer to work. After finally working out the problem was the memory, and after returning it twice and finally deciding it's better to spend a bit more for name brand memory, all's well. (touch formica).
I am able to do this tonight because, for once, I don't have to get up at 4:30am. But only for once. I guess all have heard about Kebber. If not, well ask him. If you don't know already, it's not my place to say....well ok, he's really gay. He came out of the closet last weekend. Out of the blue he decided to come around a night last week and Inson and I both suspected he was going to tell us about his sexual preference. And so he did claiming not to have realized he was going to do it himself.
Congrats Kurky.
Here is a celebratory picture of Shoehead who has the tendency to eat my foot from time to time.

OI Mohori

2006-11-07T20:33:00.000+09:00

Ok so I went digging for sweet potatoes which is a common school outing in Japan and as we pulled into the farm by bus I had this creepy notion that I was about to enter a spidery domain. And I wasn't mistaken as, walking down the main path to the farmhouse, I passed through a literal webby tunnel of large grape sized orbos. Being taller than most Pondenzas I had to bend down to avoid collecting the lower ones in my hair. Could I get used to an arachnoid farmers life in Pondenz? I think not. The picture is of one of the larger ones I spied. Funnily, the other city slickers with me were unphased by these creatures. Most Japanese would prefer to walk through such a web than make contact with a cockroach, a bug I consider objectionable but far less evil.
Pin got about 6 sweet potatoes, and I happened upon this bike front used as a filthy hoe. It is amazing what country folk will make out of junk, says he with a collage made from old plastic boxes glues to his wall as some form of artistic message.
Oi Mohori means sweet potato picking.

Would you like a boiled lolly?

2006-10-13T21:44:00.000+09:00

I saw this girls bike in a park the other day. I wondered if she was interested in Hard Candy until I saw that she was only about 10. Oh well, this is Pondenz. Sorry about my lack of posting and about my apology for not posting since that seems to be the most commonly posted subject among bloggers, even those who do update the kent. By the way, someone other than me has to pull their finger out and post in rudehedz.

You Melbourne people are hard to catch! You aren't there when I am on and you message me when I'm not.
Chief of the watch, float the buoy.
There is a Kahuna Burger in my office building! I am going to tub out. There is also a giger in the terrarium!
A few random questions for you all:
What kind of cricket can be found in the MHS gallery?
What do you remind me of?
GK better known as GN?
What street gang can be found in Berlin?
What kind of homosexuals are good at classifying animals?

Until next time.

Full metal Bagshaw

2006-09-15T00:33:00.001+09:00

This is my Bagshaw! There are many like it, but this one is mine! My Bagshaw is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it, like I master my life. Without me, my Bagshaw is useless. Without my Bagshaw, I am useless. I must fire my Bagshaw true! I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me! I will! Before God, I swear this creed...My Bagshaw and myself are defenders of my country.

A Poem

2006-09-15T00:27:00.000+09:00

This is Mike Bagshaw,
This is Bob Phun,
This is for fighting,
This is for fun.

The Dominator 2000

2006-08-31T11:39:00.000+09:00

Judge Reinhold behind the 'top of the Dominator series' the 2000. You won't hear your music, you'll feel it!
It reminds me of Dodd being sucked into buying crap speakers by those scammers who drive next to you and make you believe they have a great deal that fell off the back of a truck.
I had to post because no one else was updating their kents, least of all Kebber. Here are a bunch of quotes from movies. What do they have in common?
1. I'm afraid the death star will be fully operational by the time Bag arrives!
2. You wanna get out of here, you talk to Bag.
3. What do you call the Bagshaw on the second moon?
4. Another Bagshaw is on the mesa.
5. I think this Bagshaw should be condemned. There's serious metal fatigue in all the Shaw bearing members, the Bagshaw is substandard,it's completely inadequate for our Bagshaw needs and the Bagshaw is like a deBagshawed Bagshaw.
6. To Bagshaw or not to Bagshaw. Whether 'tis Bagshaw of the Bagshaw to Bagshaw the Bagshaws and Bagshaws of Bagshaw Bagshaw.
7. Agnes of Dodd.

It's a mug's game

2006-08-09T22:16:00.000+09:00

I'm constantly amused by cheap-ass Chinese products that copy name brands and then change the name just a little. I rather liked the Muglight because I can just picture a seedy looking character utilizing one of these as he beaks into your house to steal your video.
Other more imaginative titles I've seen were the two copies of the 'Abtronic' which was itself a copy I think. If you don't remember they were the devices that gave your stomach an electric shock to make it convulse and hence exercise for you. Jamie had one of these. I believe it was his secret weapon for washboard abs. Anyway the copies I saw were the 'Body Blonic' and the 'Gymnic Express'. I think Jamie had the Blonic.
If you can remember any rude product names please let us know.

Matsuri season.

2006-08-07T15:04:00.000+09:00

It must be the Gee genes that cause the compulsion to climb up sheer surfaces with knobbly lumps attached. Lisa needs a few pointers from Mace but with a little coaching should be ready for the Eiger by next year.
Typical stinkin' ####'n hot day here in Tokyo but I'm on holiday now so I don't care. Just living under the aircon. Went to the local street festival yesterday for the sixth year in a row. I really have to get a life. Pin insisted on wearing a kimono because the need to show off outweighed the need to avoid heat exhaustion. She won 5 goldfish and as predicted most died during the night and got flushed. Our explanation to Lisa involved a convoluted story about their parents coming to take them back to their home pond to continue their education. A goldfish without a university education will encounter a glass ceiling when attempting to obtain a position in management. She bought the story anyway and so we are left with one fish. His job is to keep the diplomatic ties open at this end in case of any future tension in the region.
I give him 3 days.

A woeful tale of treachery and deceit

2006-07-28T22:47:00.000+09:00

Business slump was just an ordinary mouse. A little smaller than most but not the smallest. A little chubbier but by no means overweight. He lived in a cardboard mouse complex with 7 other mice. Next door to him was his best friend Tiny. He often protected Tiny, who was really small, from the others who could sometimes be cruel and take out their anger on her. They were good friends. Neither of them got along with Big Mama, the biggest of the mice. She often berated and chastised them for being slovenly, especially Business Slump because he looked lethargic even if he wasn't.
Fortunately they had another friend named Military Mouse who was the toughest of the bunch. He protected them when The Rabbi, an insane rabbit, or Calli, the ever stalking cat came by. Everyone felt safe with Military mouse around. Even Big Mama didn't chew him out often, acknowledging somewhat begrudgingly, his importance to the troop.
Anyway, they all lived happily for many seasons until for some reason, they all decided to eat Business Slump. Now he wasn't the smallest, but he was easily the weakest so they consumed him, even little Tiny who just couldn't overcome her bloodlust.
This is a moot point however as the next week, they ate her too, munching up every morsel until there was nothing left but her little claws on the ground.
And thus began the succession of cannibalistic banquets until one day, there were only 2 mice left, the big, bad Big Mama and the tough, sinewy Military mouse. They eyed each other off for a while and decided to parle for a little. Military mouse had dealt with rabbits and cats before and wasn't about to let this bad tempered female have the better of him....but in fact that's what happened. She ate him the very next day.
THE END
I bought a new cell phone this week that allows you to record your own ring tone through the internal speaker be it your own voice or something from the internet. I will give a prize to anyone who can guess what I chose for my ring tone.

How extraordinary!

2006-07-17T23:18:00.000+09:00

I didn't really think it was so special until, while waiting for a bus I was transported instantaneously to another plane of existence and it was then I realized that the sign spoke the truth.
Is that person sitting next to you on the train just very short or actually a dwarf? Sorry for the blatant plagiarism of other works but I found it amusing.
If a cheeseburger costs $1 and a double cheesburger costs $2.50, why not just buy 2 cheesburgers?
Pop Quiz: Who used to order 2 Quarter-pounders , 2 large fries and a large Coke? The same person used to then lick the sauce from the crown of the Quarter-pounders and then stuff them with the fries before consumption.
Who used to clean piss soaked pizza from urinals on New Year's Eve while the rest of us were revelling?
Have you seen the episode of Family guy (or is it Robot Chicken) where the father pigeon is teaching it's son the art of choosing choice locations to drop turds in parks. The final, best location happens to be down the end of a divers snorkel. I seem to remember being involved in a similar debarkle, only the baby bird was me, the nugget of crap was from our pet drub and the snorkel was being used by Dodd in a 44 gallon drum filled with water. Art imitating life? I wonder what did end up happening to those ferrets? I'm pretty sure they weren't squashed flat in a tragic ramp collapse in an overcrowded Guinea pig apartment as was Bronski Beat.
At one time we had many pet mice. They co-existed together peacefully for a while and then ate each other.
Dodd, do you recall the sequence of events in this morbid tale, the names involved and the order of being eaten or have you clensed your mind of such things to avoid scarring your psyche?

Hang on DACK!

2006-07-09T21:27:00.000+09:00

Saw this on in a restaurant. Not quite Dack Dive Bomb but alarmingly similar. A rippoff perhaps. Both me and Spish on one T-shirt though. Uncanny!
Is it true what it says about the origins of dance music. A very informative piece of apparel.

If only...

2006-07-05T23:31:00.000+09:00

If I rubbed a lamp and a genie came out and said I can have anything I want in the world I would probably choose...
1. A Bostik electric glue gun, because you never know when something might need adhering.
and
2. A Pfaff sewing machine, because any company with a name like that must make superlative products.

The end of an era

2006-07-04T00:23:00.000+09:00

Well a sad day it will be in Tokyo when Mr and Mrs La Plonke leave for Oz this Thursday. Celebrations will abound in Melb as the prodigal harpic returns. Angst and misery will ensue when the carton of duty free fags is finished but will slowly subside and normality sets in. When you feel down and need a pick me up, just sing this old tune from the fear generation:

'Spring is sprung,
The grass is riz.
I wonder where Mike Bagshaw is.
They say the Bag is on the wing,
But that's absoid
The wing is on Ski droid.'

As I was sitting in the passenger seat of the rent-a-truckster, I spy an extra lighter socket to plug in electrical gear without impeding the existing lighter....
Yukon; Always something new!

Time for bed.

Rude hedz

2006-06-28T00:16:00.000+09:00

Just a hedz up. There is a new blog in town devoted purely to rude hedz that have been taken by home cameras. Have a look and add one or two if you have them.

http://rudehedz.blogspot.com/

Check it out if you dare!

Wedded Bliss

2006-06-26T23:48:00.000+09:00

Now that all the wedding bozz is over i can get back to posting. Here is a shot from the Cadwegian wedding. The Pondenz wedding was just yesterday so the happy couple can now breathe massive sigh and move on to the next phase of TLC or 'Total life change'. They are making up for the 6 years of status quo where they didn't even change the orders at Denny's for breakfast. Now everything is upside down or will be. They reckon they gonna quit smokin in Oz. My advice, stay away from Grodville and maybe it will happen.
Lisa won the iPod at the wedding party which of course will be looked after by Dad. Keb won a Psp and Graham won the Vader mask which I promptly used for my dance number. Hopefully some photos will arrive soon. That's what happens when you let me near a free drinks bar. Lots of Japanese girls wondering who the guy breakdancing in a suit with a Darth Vader mask was. Kurt was dying to join but basically I was making up for his rudeness at the Canada wedding. I could not possibly top the balloon muscle effort in front of many La Plante rellos. We 'Stralians were perceived to be a crude and uncivilized lot, well actually just something to talk about over fires for the next few years while sippin' whiskey and knockin back maple pancakes..

Mum , dog and Danny Glover

2006-05-31T00:17:00.000+09:00

Another picture of me moom and a requested choice glove. Ironically this one was found one morning outside of Maniac Gloce in Aoyama. Chris and Sarah can testify to that. It is from the anti-Michael Jackson. The pic of mum was when she could arm-curl 40 kilo dumbells without breaking a sweat. And the dog at whole pigs for breakfast.
Lisa has just gotten over the Pox and is back terrorizing the boys at play-school. She is also of the opinion that AMD make better CPUs than Intel. I have no desire to challenge her on this point. Kurt believes we forgot his birthday but I do have a piece of cardboard here with 'Happy birthday Kurt ' written on it in magic marker so he is mistaken. If he comes around he may get treated to a steak dinner at Kennedy's and to a premium steak at that.
Does Danny Glov'er? Is it even legal to do so?
Barry Bonds! Does James Bond?

Back passage

2006-05-29T23:30:00.000+09:00

EDITed out for grossness
If you missed it, too bad.

Ok I warned you and here it is, Korpus colon.
I made it small so as not to gross too many of you out but according to Jamie it's much bigger in real life. Jamie says it's actually quite a snug fit. eeeew! Jamie was also quite angry with Korpus because when he finally saw this, he realized Kurt was already there, as you can see in the image. The doctor said Kurt was causing a bowel obstruction and that was what caused the pain. A course of parp metal ballards and Kurt left the system of his own accord.
This post may have to be removed in a few days so make sure you download the image and spread it across the internet for us. An attached picture of Randy's head so that people know who it is would also be helpful.
Next up, diaper shots and the removal of a cyst.
Stay tuned!

Korpus Colonic

2006-05-23T23:24:00.000+09:00

Once again I am in possession of damning graphic evidence. I still don't have the diaper shot but a fantastic voyage down Randy's colon has been caught on film, so if you want to see it please post a request. Warning, It's not pretty. I think I saw Kurts head down there but it could have been a trick of the light.
On a less brown note, I was walking to the station this morning and what did I spy but this bike sitting next to the road. The bike was rude enough with those upturned handlebars that can only be described as anti-ergonomic. But low and behold if my eyes do not deceive me but is that a REV attached to the handlebars? I remember the ads when I was a kid but to see one around today and on what is clearly a late teen, early twenty year olds bike is something else. It's probably worth quite a lot now. I remember the sound was really crap but if you were 5 years old you really could feel like you were on a Harley.

One Wonders

2006-05-22T23:25:00.000+09:00

Here's a picture of maaa moom. Maa mooms black pood'ns are soo black, even the white bits are black. In one of her more introspective moods. I can even hear what she's a ponderin':
1. If Dodd was 100 metres tall, he would be the tallest guy called Dodd in the world.
2. Marcell Marceau would never have bumped his nose into a post while doing the invisible wall trick but then he never did it with a dishglove on his head.
3. Heavens to Betsy, come in Betsy.
4. Pity the pot for he knows not what he does. Pitster briefs were a cruel and unwarranted experiment in doggy apparel.
5. If my favourite song is 'Tainted Glove' by Softcell does it indicate a lack of hygene whilst cleaning up doggy poo with kitchen equipment? And if not, why not?!
6. What about a water bottle Wibble/ A hot water bottle and a bottle of olives.
7. Does Ken really have big hands and is he responsible for opening the DIY store in Japan called Tokyu Hands?
8. Blackburn,Chomley Street, Frankston (and 3 hour lunch breaks with Neil), Wheelers Hill International , Chadcolm, John Fontanella, Ian Brophy, Ken Hands, Dudson, Rosy, Commodore, Renault, Exa, Celica, Down under rock cafe, Left front door not shut,Robin robins etc,etc.

And if that isn't enough to make you resort to pilates (of the carribean), I don't know what is.
This post reminds me of a comment my history teacher once said after intercepting a page of musing I wrote in class when I should have been concentrating:
'Drivel Gee!'

You are all Sinners!

2006-05-21T23:18:00.000+09:00

While on the subject of old long haired images, I came upon this one. I would put mine up too but the photo album is behind a huge wall of teetering junk in 'the black hole' meaning the closet where all our kipple goes. You all have one so don't try to deny it. I mean the black hole, not the long haired photo. Although I would like to get one from The Shirk, Nik and Ritchie as well as my own just to stand as a monument with the caption 'Rolly Roady Ray do day'.
I put this up as a penalty to Nigel for being tardy in his repayment of money spent on his behalf. Nige , If I don't get the money soon, the gimp suit photos come out!
I had to crop the image because my head is even ruder than Nigels. I guess I could say I have improved with age. Although thanks to Randy and too much partying my mystery pain has come back to haunt me. That information comes to you on behalf of Chris who so loves to hear about my maladies. I could tell you about the cream and whether it cleared up the 'problem' but I'm sure you don't want to hear about that.;) On the subject of evil, unnecessary photos that we can't help but look at, I have in my possession the images of Jamies cyst being removed but I dont have the diaper shot which Randy has along with images of his own colon from the inside. We can get these if Randy pulls his finger out.(I couldn't resist the pun) . Anyone else who has evil photos please endulge us.

OK You asked for it!

2006-05-17T00:54:00.000+09:00

Don't say I didn't warn you.

I guess the warm weather means he didn't feel the draft but I'm inclined to think he just wanted to show off his dude. I may remove this after a few days as it grosses me out somewhat. Not that we all haven't been subjected to Jamies pylon from time to time. It was his sugestion to put it up here, as you might expect.

EDIT: Due to too many phone calls from young Japanese girls wanting Jamie's number I have had to censor the original willy image. It's too bad Lamonde. They were ever so sad to hear you are no longer here to pleasure them. And as a penalty for making us look at the anteater, an earlier Jamie head in the J. Farnham days.

Official Pole

2006-05-15T15:42:00.000+09:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have in my possession a very rude picture of Jamie (and I don't mean the famous illusive Diaper shot). It is of him in Thailand at his sisters wedding and unbeknowns to him his dude is hanging out and touching the marriage certificate. I shit you not. Anyone who would like me to post this image, please comment. I realize that such a thing could be repugnant for some and that is why I am fielding opinions first. Anyone who would like the image sent directy for personal comparison may also apply.

Warning: The anteater is is full view.

Oh and the title is not a spelling mistake.

Chopper Pin

2006-05-12T00:13:00.000+09:00

A couple of images of the Pin for your perusal. The first is Chopper Pin (Don't hurt the Chop!) with water ring and attached yellow pants for that superhero look. Pin is not amused by my mirth. The second, a standard princess shot from the vast supply of such images.
I dropped the butter tub tonight and predictably it fell butter down. I went to the train station and the train was just leaving. If these things did not happen, something would feel wrong. There must be an alternate universe somewhere where the butter always falls openning up. Chances are in that universe butter is used to clean the floor.
For all those who were missing my anatomical maladies, after a night out on the town my side pain is back. That's karmic. Too much fun makes Dave a pain in the side.
Who was the former tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs? Feel like watching that one again. Catholic high school girls in trouble. Nightex PM or is that Gatex PM?
What's wrong with the borries? They must be in a torper.
Rami Skin Grafti. He called me a pothead once. I was offended because I did at the time think my head exhibited aspects of pot.
Dictionary definition:
Pothead: (noun singular) (1)A person whose head shape resembles a pot. (2)One whose cranium exhibits pot-like tendancies (3) A person with a large jaw and small skull eg Freddy Mercury or the guy from Tango and Cash. (4) Someone with pot-oid head qualities.(5) A head like a conic section. EG Look at that dude over there. He's got a real pothead!
Guy Nanties wet his panties. That one was invented by mum for Dodd to use at primary school against a guy who was annoying him. Did it work? Can't remember. Dodd probably doesn't either.
Glen Ridge...Ben Fidge
Dub Dub Dub
Sorry just rambling. Bye for now.

Golden Week at the Zoo

2006-05-04T18:37:00.000+09:00

Ahh, you have to love Golden Week in Japan. A week of holidays without the huge crowds around Tokyo coz everyone goes back to their hometowns...unless you are stupid enough to try going to the country to do anything amusing. Like going to a country zoo famous for it's Australian animals; koalas, kangaroos wombats what-have-you. So that was my day. After getting up at 7 to catch the train to Lisa's Grandma's place to change to the car, we found ourselves on the open road travelling at..eh..5 kmph...for the entire trip to the country zoo. Arriving at 1 pm we were confronted by a long line of cars trying to enter the pitifully inadequate car park so were forced to use the makeshift ones which were empty fields sprayed with white parking lines by the locals who charged 10 bucks to get bogged down in them. Old granny's abounded with their aprons and scraps of cardboard with 700 yen scrawled in texta across them. Wallets a little lighter, we proceeded to bush-bash our way back to the road and the zoo.
Ok, it was a beautiful day and the zoo was big enough to accommodate the large holiday influx so I can't winge too much. We brought a picnic and found a nice tree to sit under but Lisa only had eyes for the crappy kiosk with cheap faded plastic toys and the smell of old hot dogs.
So after lunch we decide to look at the Koala enclosure, promised to be a whollistic sensory experience of Australia. We were then presented with the 200 meter long 'line#1' of people waiting to enter.(see picture). You can imagine me waiting over an hour to see some Aussie fauna can't you? Remembering that the native animals section is the ENTRY LEVEL section at the Melbourne zoo.
OK, skip the Aussie animals, lets check out the 'cows-you-can-milk' and the 'various small animals-you-can-hold'. Oh no, we have to wait until 3.30 for those as they are done in shifts. We wait. Then we go up the hill to see the CYCM's and are presented with 'line #2', many kids waiting to grab a teet. We wait, we grab teet and proceed to 'line #3' which was cryptically spiral as it writhed about the assigned VSAYCH sector. Pushing our way through we secure a chick for Lisa (her favourites) and watch her enjoy squeezing it of it's vital essence. If only she could have seen a game of 'chick golf' as played by one Ben Gee.
Anyway, after that and a few trips to the famous Japanese open urinals, meaning they have a direct line of sight to the most crowded thoroughfare (Stage fright never felt so awkward) I proceeded to go over the photos I had taken for the day and realised most of them were of the rediculous crowds for the most mundane activities it has ever been my pleasure to witness. Have a nice golden week everyone.
Line to see the Koala's
Spiral line to see the VSAYCH's
Wavy line to see the CYCM. Similar to the line to the H2WHOOW at splash mountain. And one tired looking cow.
Evil scraggy goat that kept hassling me for food in the VSAYCH quadrant.

I Just Don't Get It!

2006-04-23T21:34:00.000+09:00

Now, for anyone who has spent more than a day in Japan, the small portion problem can be more than a little annoying. But for someone who has been here almost 10 years it has become par for the course and with a little use of 'evade' skills can be thwarted, and when it does occur; these days gets little more than a sigh.
I was however dumbfounded by this one. Sitting on the new rooftop restaurant at Keio department store in Shinjuku and felt like a coffee. 350 yen, about average for a department store cafe. I could smell the fries so perused the menu and saw they were 400 yen (about $4.50). I knew they would be a little small but decided that it was worth the risk.
As the old dude brought them over and placed them on the table (complete with toothpicks?) Inson and I simultaneously stared agape at them and then at the guy before he trundled back into his kitchen. Now it may not be clear from the picture but that is a saucer not a plate and as photos can be deceptive I put my hand next to it for scale. The sauce sachet is the giveaway. There are 13 chips, at least 4 of which are just crusty bits. Lets say 8 good solid chips. That makes them about 60 cents each. I remember looking at the old dude thinking, 'Wipe that smurk off your face you old git. Don't make me come over there!' How can someone with any dignity actually bring themselves to take an order like this to a table. This wasn't a flash cafe. It was like those outdoor beach snack shops with a few tables and a tarp to keep out the rain and sun. The place had just re-opened after rennovation too. As expected there were very few patrons but about 30 tables so the manager obviously expected lots of people.
What really gets me though is trying to picture the meeting of manager and owner deciding the menu and portions.
Manager brings out his idea of a good serving of chips,'Now I think we can really impress the new clientele by giving them 14 small chips for 400 yen. What do you think Mr Sato?'
Sato san scratches his combover staring at the saucer of chips. He walks around it once fingering his stubble, one hand in the pocket of his Aoki suit. He crouches down to view it from the fries' perspective, 'You say the cost to us of making this dish will be about 30 yen? Can't we shave a bit more off. The margin's too small for my liking.'
The Manager, now sweating a little tries another tack,' Well we could make 5 of the chips just the crunchy bits that congeal around the filter of the deep-frier?'
'Hmm. I like that, I like it a lot but I would be much more comfortable with one less chip as well as your inspired suggestion.', says the Owner.
The manager nervously adds, 'It would, of course, probably cause any who order it to never come back to our establishment and thus cause us to have absolutely no good-will or reputation and cost us millions more than the 20 extra yen it would cost us to make a meal people would come back for and hence pay our salaries and make you wealthy.'
'Yes you have a good point there. To spend a minute amount more would surely create a vast amount of patronage for many years to come and a early retirement for me and an executive position at the department store for you....but that extra chip has me ill at ease. Lose the chip, or you lose your job.'
And so David sits staring at his meagre rations wondering if Inson is going to steal one and if so will it be the big one on the right.

And on another note, Do you think the singer Shania Twain knows how to import images from her scanner to photoshop?

The Real Story.

2006-04-17T15:49:00.000+09:00

For anyone who has been visiting Bag-O-Phun (Bags Blog) recently, you will notice that it has recommenced operation for which we should all be grateful. Bag's rapier wit has been sorely missed on the blogosphere. I do however, regretfully, have to give a modicum of shit to kebber for his outrageous comment regarding the need for me to (and I quote) 'shut the fuck up' after a witticism regarding the fact that Bag could with a few small posts, once again surpass his poor effort. It has come to my attention that Kurt is under the illusion that if you post once a month, you have the right to give shit to others who may be a few days tardy. May I remind Kebber, in the form of this Excel chart I put together after collating the data, that his post factor is well below Bag and as far as giving me shit is concerned..well, I'll let the figures speak for themselves. Any who would like to join me in providing a looking-glass to Kurt with which he can glean (the cube) some understanding about the true nature of bloggage and his role in this pursuit, feel free to comment.
Oh and if he tells you to look at his blog any more, just mention the graph. And ask him if he would be interested in a nice big cup of shut-the-fuck-up.
As for The Shirk Zone, it showed so much promise. Only 7 posts though and you would overtake Kurt.

Spare a thought

2006-04-11T22:40:00.000+09:00

Have you ever taken the time to consider the hardships that must be faced by people who have rude, mean or simply bad heads. If you are handicapped or mentally challenged there are support services, govt benefits and community awareness. But if you have a rude head you receive no sympathy, help or support. You will be prejudiced, laughed at in private and won't be able to find sex easily. It may only be a small thing like a slightly large forehead or eyes a little far apart but if it crosses the' rude' threshold, you will be relegated to a segment of society that has no status.
I have known rude headed people in my time and known this to be true. They may not be directly scorned but they know who they are. They have to face (excuse the pun) their own head every day in the mirror without anyone to tell them it's going to get better or to help them fit in.
And lastly, some food for thought. If you had a rude head would your friends tell you. Maybe you do and don't know it. Maybe your own ego protects you from that knowledge or at least clouds your judgement.
So if you look into the glass of your monitor and see the reflection of Mac the Knife, my condolances to you.

One more thing. If you want to know just how civilized we really are as a species, take a look in the nearest public toilet, preferably one in a park or near the beach.

Lack of Ramblings

2006-04-09T21:38:00.000+09:00

OK, time to get this thing going again. I would have said resuscitate but I'm too scared to try spelling it. (used a spell checker). I will stress less about including pictues. That's what has been causing me to avoid postage. So here's some serious rambling.
During training at work I have been urged to 'Activate the schema' in my classes. I would like to do this but can't find the control panel for mine so it will go unactivated.
If you believe they put Lamonde on the moon, are you too easily duped?
What do you think the following things taste like:
1. The spice melange
2. Luke Skywalkers food that Yoda eats
3. Yodas food that Luke doesn't eat
4. The food that Dave Bowman and Frank Poole eat on Discovery
5. The small creature that The Baron squeezes and eats from a glass container
6. The elven bread that Frodo and Sam eat on the trip to Mordor.
7. The blue (?) milky juice that Luke drinks on Uncle Owens farm.

You're such a seed sack!

2006-03-27T23:15:00.000+09:00

I happened upon this magazine when I was cleaning up the other day. It's a kids magazine for mothers about schools and clothes and stuff. I just can't imagine why, when you decide you must use an English title, you would come up with this name. Obviously it doesn't have the same connotations for Japanese that it does for us, but why?! Where is the connection to kids other than it takes a seed sack combined with a love pylon and a stench trench to make a kid. hmmm.
I just watched Fight Club again yesterday. Gotta say it's one of my favourite movies. (His name is Robert Paulson) Just before that I watched Krull (I can assume any form I wish), Alive (We ended up having to eat each other), Midnight Express (cigar cigaretta sil vous ple) , Poltergeist (I don't like the tree dad), Shawshank ( He swam through a pile of shit, came out clean on the other side) and the Young ones for the millionth time.
I was sure the music for Krull was the same as The wrath of Kahn and I was correct. Same composer and his previous film.
Trying to think of some other old movies I want to see. Maybe Close Encounters and Crimson Tide. Been hankering for a bit of Dune recently and the original Bladerunner with the naration but impossible to find except on laser disk or very old VHS. If anyone has it, let me know.

The thing that should not be.

2006-03-25T00:37:00.000+09:00

For anyone who has witnessed first hand the evil lamp in Flemington, and if you haven't then you haven't looked upon the face of true evil, here is something you will find disturbing I am sure. I was in need of a leak the other day and searching for a lavvy without a direct line of sight from the porcellain to outside walkers (quite a challenge in Japan) and came upon this abomination. Obviously meant for children, I could feel the evil radiating from it and instantly knew it was related to the evil lamp. How many kiddy souls had this thing devoured, I thought as I used the normal one next to it. How is it that such an evil thing could go unnoticed. Perhaps that was the charm of the thing. It operated in plain sight of people but caused them to not understand what they were seeing. It lies to them. To kids it simply is another child, but to us it is the beast. It lies to them but also mixes lies with the truth to confound them.

And on another note, I just loved this image so had to put it up.

The Pill

2006-03-20T00:02:00.000+09:00

Family did the usual trip up to Saitama to see Grandma and Mon chan today. We went to a Chinese restaurant and Lisa was given a package of assorted lollies and small crappy plastic toys, most of which are about the right size to get easily lodged in ones windpipe.
One of the packs of lollies was the pictured birth control pills. It's ironic that a country that doesn't provide subsidised or even readily available birth control should make candy thats looks like such. Lisa insists that they must be taken one a day on the assigned days written on the package and notes that some of the pills are only sugar. Where she gets this information is unknown to me. I hope that her practical knowledge of these items is limited to scoffing lollies.
You can't blame Japan for making birth control expensive. With the low birthrate here the government needs to something more than saying 'Do it for your country!' as they do now, then scratch their collective heads and wonder why it isn't working. In the words of Conan the barbarian 'uaaaaau' if you can read that phonetically.
I have a bit of a head cold as my personal agar petri dish aka Lisa, has been hard at work culturing more nasties to transfer to me via her patented transmission method ie. finger up nose and then in Dad's eye. Works everytime. So I am enjoying a potent cocktail of several genki drinks and some ibeprophin. Quite funky. I can't hear properly because colds effect my good ear, and I can't smell anything and subsequently didn't detect the homeless guy on the train today that cleared half the carriage. I was at first puzzled by Inson's watering eyes and strange look but I could have quite happily sat next to the guy. I didn't even carefully seal my lips to avoid shit particles entering my mouth. hmmm, maybe having a sense of smell is better afterall. Anyway I'm going to quit now before this entry begins to move towards the subject of excretia and Randy starts complaining.

Sorry

2006-03-18T00:17:00.000+09:00

Ok, that last post was a little tasteless but I had the pictures so I had to use them. What's happenned to Bag? His posting consistency is not complete. Been watching the Young Ones. The memories of Camberwell come flooding back. The writing burnt into the carpet. The couch that held a beer mug so well. The kitchen where the lino floor tiles were on the table and the floor was carpetted, with Worm-bread crumbs. The logger that had toilet paper crammed into the cracks in the wall so the worm couldn't look in while 'laying down the law'. I still have dreams where I have to squeeze the Renault into the small parking space coz Bag got to it first with the 1000. The mushroom growing in the shower cubicle. The plasticine on the roof. And waking up at midday and pondering whether to go to Adam's, play some Amiga games, watch The Young Ones or do nothing.
Any other highlights I have forgotten?

The place to be.

2006-03-17T23:51:00.001+09:00

Many men come to Japan to get a little......

..but if this is you, make sure it is a......

Very Tower

2006-03-15T00:30:00.000+09:00

I went off the other day to see the tallest building in the world in Roppongi. It is 945 metres tall and 166 storeys to honor the 166 verses of the Tao. It sports 42 express elevators and takes just 50 seconds to reach the top floor. Because of it's height, getting water pressure to the top requires a 2000 hp diesel pump. The top 66 floors are pressurized and the windows are coated to reflect solar radiation because at that height the atmosphere is too thin to shield the occupants fully. The top floor has a revolving restaurant that takes 83 mintues to make one revolution so goes around twice in , you guessed it, 166 minutes. Access to the roof was not available that day because of the wind which can gust up to 60 kilometres per hour and... oh I give up. It's all bullshite that I made up coz I'm bored. And since if I didn't update soon I would be given shit.
By the way, Do you likakdikaday?

INSON RAGE!!

2006-03-10T22:52:00.000+09:00

You've all heard of Dave Rage. Well today I witnessed Inson rage and it's even scarier. I have been calm recently and looking back, I experienced the most Dave Rage when I was hitting the gym the hardest. Especially during cylces of semi-illicit performance enhancement supplements. There is nothing better than increased testosterone levels to bring out the hulk. 'Don't make me mad, you wouldn't like me when I'm mad!'
So last week Inson joined Gold’s gym with me and has been put on a weight training program. If you go to Gold’s, it doesn't matter what your goals are; weight loss, gain, fitness, shape, the trainers will always make you do weights. And as Gold's Nakano isn't too busy, Inson has been getting personal training. While doing my dumbbell flys I glance in the mirror and see her face straining like Arnie in Pumping Iron, veins popping out of her neck as she dead lifts 4 plates a side, well.. Make that the bar only, still a respectable 20 kilos. 'Right-on' say I. None of this aerobics or Pilates crap. She fits right in with the big boys and k-1 fighters that go there. Since Gold’s is the only serious weights gym in the whole of Japan, you can expect to see some fighters and local professional bb'ers. I used to feel adequately buff in Tipness, but here I feel like Gollum without the strength. Inson however seems to fit in well with all the grunts and straining. Trouble is that it has elevated her aggression too. Few people have witnessed a pissed Inson but I have and it's scary. She's one of those people who make up for quantity with quality. I tell you the bile that can come out of her mouth.
We left the gym in good spirits only to find that the council had taken our bikes. I have an ongoing game of cat and mouse with the local bike-taking crusty old boys and until today have evaded them skillfully. Today I was caught off guard and lulled into a false sense of security by the warning tag put on my bike earlier. This usually signifies that they had no room in their truck and so let me off with a warning. You know the idea; if you get a parking ticket you are safe from getting another one for at least the rest of the day. But as it was raining there weren't many bikes around so the pickings were slim and they decided to come back for seconds.
In this situation all you can do it bend over and take it like a man. You must recover your bike from the local impound and pay the hefty $50 fine. As this is the council there is absolutely nothing you can do to avoid paying unless you just leave your bike there. Not my mountain bike thanks. I am angry but understand the futility of resistance and just give in. Not Inson. Her Anabolically induced rage simmers just below the surface of her skin but I can see the pressure building up just like Nasty Canasta when Daffy Duck messes with his mum.
We get to the impound yard, and she explodes at the old dude in charge of the bikes. She shouts obscenities at him in a mouth so foul I consider bringing in a priest. She slams down the money and begins to walk away refusing to fill out the form. The old boy tries to placate her by only asking her to fill in the name and address. She yells at him to do it himself and begins a prolonged expletive over and over about the sorry state of Nakano city. I am standing by sheepishly trying to look supportive but behind my masque of concern I just want to get the fuck out of there before they call the cops.
Anyway, after several more comments dripping in sarcasm (and you think there was none in Japan) we ride home. I'm trying to forget the incident but Inson is still seething.
'Perhaps you need to work off your aggression at the gym' say I realizing the stupidity of such a comment. She'll be back there tomorrow no doubt, since she's already addicted to 'the Iron'. I just hope none of those K-1 guys are hogging equipment that she wants; otherwise they may find themselves in the title fight of their lives.

The Priory of Zion

2006-03-08T22:52:00.000+09:00

Recently I have begun keeping a few small lists of rudeness. One of those is the names of the different discount Logger paper that Inson buys. There was a debate for a while whether to buy the really thin type that lasts for ages but runs the risk of finger follow-through, or the super triple-ply which is finished after one good session if stools are not formed. Anyway, we went with super thin on the logic that you can always double or triple it up if you wish. But I disgress.
The point is, all these cheapo brands seem to have semi-random english labels. One was called Charles but the Japanese read sharuru, a poor effort even by their standards. Why would such a name be chosen. Do we have Tetsuo paper in Australia? I think not. Maybe when they wipe their arses they go, Fuh yoo English!! Sorry, that was uncalled for. Anyway, Japanese don't speak like that, only local Viets in Oz.
The latest borry parchment as pictured, is 'Prior'. Why? Is it a suggestion, as Kurt would tell us, that pre-wiping is a good habit to get into to remove netting that might ensnare the log on the way out? I would have imagined 'Post' would be a more appropriate name.
The previous brand was 'Naive'. It's for those who are of the over-optimistic belief that this low grade paper is going to be enough to deal with a heavy duty boz. You are sorely mistaken, as proclaimed on the label. Get out of La La land! Wake up and smell the ....well not the cheese anyway.
Well that's enough of my potty rant. If we get any new and amusing brands I'll be sure to post pictues of them for the edification of the western world.
Oh and WillyKaKaSarahStockZoeFinlayJonesKathrineandSamanthaAthenard
EmilyDuntVicMichan and thats all.

Driving the Porcelain Bus

2006-03-02T23:14:00.000+09:00

This has been my view for the past 24 hours. I managed to get the flu from Pin, as expected, which, although being short lived, makes up for its lack of longevity by being rather potent. I haven't worshipped the porcelain god so much for years. Every 10 minutes for a whole day. I have broken capillaries all over my face. I have lost a couple of kilos and the only medicine that I could keep down ....well, lets just say I kept it up as the other end wasn't suffering the same distress!
Feeling better now though, although I must say that demented fever dreams are not my favorite cognative endeavour. I really did see Kurt in the toilet bowl and he kept telling me I would never get my sound card back! So I voshed on him for his insolent behaviour. Then I ruthed on him but he laughed coz nothing was coming out. Then I just doubled over him in the foetal position with that look we all know and love accompanied by the dry-reach.
This would rank in my top 5 worst experiences ever along with New years eve in the backyard of some friend of Gate's house, post ear operation dizziness and the Bag 'shroom fiasco (two of which occurred in the same month). Vosh related events seem to take the cake in my List of Unfortunate Events. How about y'all?

The Stooly Job

2006-02-27T23:10:00.000+09:00

I remember when e-coli was a problem here about 8 years ago and so all kindergarten teachers at public schools had to take a monthly stool test. At that time it was a guy named Daniel. Naturally it became known as the stooly job and many took over the legacy as teachers quit and moved on. Kurt was one of these and so became the stooly for a while, though he denies having to take the test. I should not have pushed the point with him because as karma dictates, what goes around comes around. Remember the piss soaked pizza Kurt.
Well anyway, in the long journey that has become 'What the hell is wrong with me!?' the latest chapter is the stool examination. I read the instructions but couldn't bring myself to sit backwards on the crapper. Inson assures me that this is not the way Japanese perceive the use of the western bog but only a way to retrieve an iota of tan colored paste before it is defiled by the bowl water. The somewhat graphic depiction of shit begs the question; Is the photo real borry or some other material licked of the stick in jest by the photographer after the shot?
Anyway as Kurt would say, nothing stinks like a shit out of water so I very hastily probed the poo and very very carefully replaced the stick in the incredibly narrow opening to the tube. And I have to do it all again tomorrow, to check for zog consistency I guess or because the doctor thinks it's funny to make me do it more than once.
Any suggestions as to what fake material could have been used to make the photo will be noted, pondered upon and duly debated.

Phreaky coincidences

2006-02-26T15:00:00.000+09:00

I’m sure you’ve all experienced them before as I have any number of times. Many may recall my childhood anecdote about the Quest for Yoda. I can go more into that some other time. However I just had a really strange one. Enough to send shivers down my spine.

Last night, as a break from my highly productive music period (due to abstaining from any and all computer gaming) I decided to kick my feet up and, you guessed it, play a game. The choice of game is still cause for more than a little concern as it was ‘Civilization IV’, not the kind of game you casually play for a few minutes before bed. Most people who get into this one talk of sleepless nights and sleepy days.

Anyway, I decided to give it a try, to see if it lived up to it’s reputation as a swallower of lives and after running a brief tutorial, began to form my own civilization. I chose the Japanese civilization as my starting culture (predictably) and away I went. After a number of hours I could feel myself being pulled inexorably into the world I had created. I built several cities including Kyoto, Tokyo and Edo and chose a war-like culture designed to conquer others.

My first victim was Gandhi, the poor soul with a peace-loving society to the north. He wanted to befriend me which I initially did to woo him into a false sense of security before I blew him away. When I built up a large force of invincible archers I proceeded to declare war and began my campaign against the bald prick. My first phase was to surround one of his smaller cities close to my border, shower him with arrows and mop up the mess with my ground infantry. I noticed a few archers in his city but thought they would be dispatched with relative ease by my far superior bowmen who outnumbered them 5 to 1 anyway. After all, Gandhi had invested all his research in spiritual pursuits not expecting a scrap with the Pondenzas down south.

So my archers moved in ,poised to begin their volley, my footmen hunkered down for their glorious charge and…. You’re probably wondering at this point where the phreaky coincidence comes in. Give it a moment, it’s coming…..So my lieutenant drops his hand and the assault begins. My archers move into range and….. are picked off to a man by the superior skill and range of Gandhi’s longbow men, poised atop the parapets of the city. Not a one of my men scores a hit.

In desperation my foot move in ….and are predictably mown down by the same longbows. ‘Curses’ I say, ‘The pox on yonder infernal technology’. How dare Gandhi, the devious little tree hugger, have the foresight to research that one morsel of useful weaponry while I the warmonger , whose vision was clouded by lust for power, just kept spitting lowly archers and shit-kicker foot en masse from my ignoble barracks.

Now Gandhi was pissed. He wanted my blood and his small but effective nappy wearing force began a campaign that was to rend my empire asunder.

I went to bed cursing long bows.

So now we get to the coincidence. It’s Sunday, I get up after a rude awakening by Mum on the phone. How dare she ring before 12! Pin seems lively and active after a few days of the flu, and I sit in front of the TV to eat lunch, the back of my mind still pondering the previous night’s tactical flubbery. I’m only half paying attention to the TV when I turn over to discovery channel and theres a doco on which is part of a series entitled ‘Worlds best….’ Usually the top ten tanks, or helicopters, or motorbikes. Today it’s the top ten weapons of all time and they’re onto no. 6; the Tommy-gun. They finish up and move on to number 5 and what does the announcer say. I’m sure you’ve guessed it already, ‘The number 5 all-time best weapon was the scourge of the French and went on to allow the domination of Western Europe by the British. It’s the English Long-bow’.

At least it wasn’t Indian. Next time Gandhi, next time.

The 4 horsemen of the apocalypse

2006-02-24T00:08:00.000+09:00

Another photo of rudeness. Jamie takes the cake here. He may ever have surpassed Dodd in the earlier post and be ready to challenge Randies christmas hed, the undisputed champion unless Dodd can find the infamous 'wedding hed' among his photos.
Don't pay the ferryman, he charges too much anyway.
Today I was teaching a group lesson about world consumption and told the students, off the top of my head, that the average American comsumes 50 times the average Indian. I remember some sort of statistic like that from somewhere but didn't think anyone would care if it was slightly inaccurate. However it turned out it was the exact lesson I was teaching in the textbook that refered to this point and I must have taught it some time in the past. Unfortunately the number was only 30 times. When the students found my glaring exaggeration they pretended not to notice but I know that they now know what most of my friends know that I speak bullshit when I don't know the real answer. Beware.
The first step to wisdom is admitting you are a fool. (Narrator; Monkey)

Guitar classics

2006-02-19T15:49:00.000+09:00

Here's a CD you won't find in JB HiFi except maybe as separators for the sections aka Joey Peroni. Found this one in the CD shop of the Mind.

Coating the Flange

2006-02-19T15:02:00.000+09:00

I was trawling the web for ideas and I came across this image with the above title. I thought this would make a great album cover and title. If you can come up with some better ones let me know. I like 'Smell the Glove' but it's already taken and will also be the name of my glove photo project.

While going through a photo album

2006-02-17T23:35:00.000+09:00

I happened upon this image. No, not the usual Opal men pose but a full on Joker-hed-fest. But take a closer look at Dodd head for the real surprise. Apart from its utter rudeness, it is a bona-fide Dodd Joker, a rarely seen visage. I think the all time rudest Dodd head is in his wedding photos. He is in the wedding rolls royce and is pulling a take-a-dump hed. Dodd, if you can find, scan and post this I will be eternally grateful. It was truly the rudest.
Unfortunately I couldn't find any Real Lamonde heds as in the Shirk Zone, but I will get the Homeless Lamonde sleeping hed next time I go around to mums which will be in about er.. 2 years.
Sad to see a lack of Gees making their way across the Pacific to witness the creation of Sarah La Plante but hey I didn't really expect much from my family. After all I am the only person I know who hasn't had a parent visit Pondenz other than Splash (A possible new name morph for Sarah after 15 years in stasis). At least the Japan Gees will be holding up our side of the church. Pin doing the flower girl thing, if I get around to sending the measurements to Madame La Plonke.

Valentines Day Haul

2006-02-15T00:17:00.000+09:00

Well, this was the best Valentine's day yet in terms of chocolate acquired. I must be getting sexier in my old age, kind of like Sean Connery. Too bad I'm not really a chocolate phreak. I'm sure Pin and Inson will aid in consumption. Presumably Inson is aware of that and buys chocolate accordingly. As you may or may not know, in Pondenz guys receive choc on Valentines and exactly one month later , on White day (invented 30 years ago by Mitsukoshi Department store) must reciprocate in the order of 3 to 5 times value. Of course as most of my choc comes from students or Moms of kid students, as I am Sensei, it is not necessary for me to pay off this debt. Basically I work it off in class time. It's quite nice when 4 year olds hand you chocolate and in typical kiddy lack of subtlety fashion say this is from me, but really from mummy,and then to look up at the rather firm and fruity mum who's gone red in the face. It is then possible to consider that the mother has more motivation in bringing the child to class than just academic improvement.
My haul doesn't even include the local Nakano students who are customarily the most generous, because I haven't been there yet so the stash may grow considerably yet. It beats the high school days of being one of the losers who didn't get a card from a girl, or worse still going to a school without girls altogether. I truly was a late bloomer.
30 years late.

Nostalgia

2006-02-08T22:52:00.000+09:00

Ok, can you name these games? Some are for Amiga and some are for C64. Some are easy, some aren't and not all were popular with everyone.If you can get these quickly I'll put up some more obscure ones.

Brunswich street Graffiti

2006-02-06T23:15:00.000+09:00

These were some of my faves. If you can think of any others please post.

Eat more children
Ethnic baked beans
Sabath, maiden, halen, phong
Donna Martin graduate
The waitress is not part of the meal
Tell a Macedonian he's Greek will bring Joy
Salami on Rae

Several interesting quotes:
We are eating at partners, come over.
Do not use this tap, it leaks
Coppins clean skin chardonnay
Ah, no more!
You either cut it out...or glue it in
Pink-orish boyce
Bless you my skid
Puppy did a shit.
puppy did a shit.
puppy did a,
puppy did a,
long stringy shit.
David, your a Detroit, Dudson, Font-a-pen.
And you hang out with Ken Hands.

Warning!!

2006-02-03T00:58:00.000+09:00

Do NOT play UFO catcher unless you are a trained professional. Failure to follow safety instructions could result in injury to coin purse. I may have to give up this insidious habit. Generally I am good at them and I respect machines that require skill but ones that are blatantly impossible (like those at 'Amuse' in Akabane) are basically thieves and should be treatred as such. The one I tried today was too weak to pick up a credit card sized plastic picture.
You have been warned.

A land of contrast

2006-01-30T16:20:00.000+09:00

I know, it's a cliche but sometimes it's really true. This picture is a not uncommon sight around Tokyo. Very small ladies who are old enough to remember Koobla Khan (spelling!) and toting huge cases on their backs. I'm not sure what's in them, possibly their husbands, but I saw this one go down a flight of stairs into a subway. I couldn't do that and I'm a (reasonably) young big guy who does weight training. In contrast, you'r average Tokyo young 'office lady' can barely keep her Channel bag on her arm, and would scream if confronted with any form of insect. What has hapened in the interveneing years between the first and second woman? Maybe when the Americans occupied Japan they confiscated all steroids from the locals. Anyway...I want whatever this hypergranny eats, although I know what it is; rice and miso. Not a hint of protein. How!! When I swig protien shakes like they're going out of business and can't gain a pound! Oh well.

Poor performance.

2006-01-26T23:55:00.000+09:00

After Kebbers scathing remarks in Bags blog, I thought I should include him here as he should be, quiet and docile. Tell me Mr Jessen, how are you going to complain if you can't speak?
Also included is a picture of Takeshi the alien. He beamed down to Saitama many years ago. Rumor has it he pair bonded with a female human and possibly spawned little grey men.
Italian chair designers are so uncompromising these days. (That one) looks like a giant sandwich. A mis-quote byLamonde, no doubt Bag will correct it.

David Gee, Seeeuper genius

2006-01-23T00:17:00.000+09:00

Today I took a Mensa test sent to me by Chris. (usually I would expect Dodd to send this kind of thing to me.) Now when someone sends me an IQ test link I am kind of wary because it means they have probably just done it and scored well and are waiting with baited breath for me to finish so they can compare their superior score. As it turns out this wasn't the case but I didn't know this at the time so with hesitation began the test.
The test is more communicative than spacial or mathematical which suits me fine. According to the explanation 19+ out of 33 is genius level, and only 2 Mensas (Certified genius IQ types) got all of them. I would have been happy with a comfortable 16 or so. After flying through I realized 19 was a shoe-in and continued. I got all the way to 32 correct thinking 'My god , I truly am a genius. I knew it was true. All my rudeness is, as I have suspected just the by-product of a mind ahead of it's time.' After struggling for another half hour I finally got the last question and proceeded with great zeal to inform family members of my intelligence was officially in the top 3 in the world! Dialing the number excitedly I then morphed into cool, laid-back, just passing unimportant information mode only to be informed by Spish that Nigel got all 33 correct while doing something else. He wasn't even paying any real attention to it. Obviously that put him above me but I wasn't concerned, more amazed. The second most intelligent person on the planet, through sheer coincidence, is friends with the most intelligent. What are the odds!! We need to get together and make stuff happen. Only problem is my sneaking suspicion that Nigel doesn't have a godlike IQ. He'd be pushing it for Minor deity intelligence really. And sadly I still leave the house with my clothes tag showing...at the front. I even managed to put brick patterned wallpaper up up-side down. The shadows were coming from a sun in the floor. So my conclusion...Mensa members are as intelligent as pocket lint, a substance of questionable cognitive acumen. The whole organization is designed to cunningly make us normal people feel special...and it worked on me.. for a while.
Oh well, back to the crosswords. Whats a 4 letter word for stench beginning with F?
One of my faves!

The most intelligent person on the planet, if only he can find his wallet....again!!

Sickness is a sickness

2006-01-19T23:58:00.000+09:00

The Pin is sick again as is Pin's mum. They are both sleeping after voshing. I still have my side pain, due to a combination of going back to gym and carrying child with one arm and shopping with other. Multitasking and muscle strain don't mix. I have decided to seriously stop gym for a while but gym is an addiction that is hard to quit. Sometimes you think you've quit and suddenly your doing bench press and realize you've fallen off the horse. I heard it's possible to buy foam rubber dumbells to help you quit. They act as a substitute until you're ready to stop altogether. I'm really waiting for the patches that give you a dose of gym without the terrible positive side effects of health. No more lyrca wedge to look at for a while.
A puzzling thought. Do you think Jamie Knight aerobics champion wore lycra wedge, legwarmers and a terry headband when he practiced? I know he liked curiously small shorts. Perpetual introspective! The Groove experience! Trip it out!
Still no snow!
The problem with me and my new webcam is that even after the novelty has worn out, I still have to make rude headz when I use it. Goes to show that I truly am easily amused. You could lock me in a room with a computer, internet connection, box of mars bars, crate of pepsi and 2 buckets for up to 6 days and I would be fine...until the buckets filled up.
Almost finished reading the Gap series by Stephen Donaldson. Very good series that's taken me a while to get to. Will move on to Baroque cycle #2 when finished and be just another of the many know-it-alls touting a vast knowledge of 18th century Europe. It's a common ailment after reading these. They involve an area of history little studied amoung my generation and extensively researched (to his credit) by Neal Stephenson and so cause an irresistable urge to proclaim 'Did you know that (insert interesting but little known historical anecdote)?' to one's friends. I will attempt to avoid such vulgar behaviour this time around.

2006-01-19T23:51:00.000+09:00

Who or what are the following things:

2006-01-17T15:23:00.000+09:00

Gree General Quiz
Here is a quiz related to general Greedom. Answer the following questions if you dare:
1. How did Gree deal with catshit laid on the toilet floor?
2. What item did Gree used to swoop Spishes head with as a child to make her cry?
3. What did Chooly (the dog) eat?
4. How did Gree warp the Chooly story?
5. List at least 3 misquotes by Gree.
6. What is the general term used to explain the action of pissing in the sink because the toilet is too far and it's cold?
7. Show the steps that went into arriving at the name Dodd.
8. Do same for Spish
9. What was smeared into Grees hair on Christmas day by drunkards that made him want to vosh?
10. Name 1 party where Gree was Vosh King
11. What color was Grees saddest pair of jocks?
12. What did Dad put his hand in that made him very angry and where?
13. Name 5 cats associated with Gree over the years.
14. Who lived at 6 Selby Street Mount Waverly?
15. Who always complained that the screen was buckled?
16. How many seconds in a year?(without calculating)
17. What did Gree have on his backpatch?
18. Name all of Grees cars.
19. What movie caused Gree the most mental anguish?
20. What is the only movie that Gree has walked out on and why?

If you can score more than 15 points then you must really know Gree. God help you.

2006-01-15T13:07:00.000+09:00

Heads Up
Check out Bag's blog (Bag-O-Phun, link on the right) for some cool old pix. See if you can answer the quiz without looking at my answer.

2006-01-12T00:02:00.000+09:00

New Quotes Quiz
Not all the following quotes are from movies. An attempt to broaden the game.

1. He's down there somewhere. ___________ ___________.
2. A tricky bit of floor that, deceptively _______ and ___________.
3. I guess she don't like the ______ ______ either.
4. That's a real ________ __________ you got there.
5. It was the Warriors that killed ____________!
6. Fish! Today's fish is __________ _ _ ______. Enjoy your meal.
7. If you're a Taurus, see your __________.
8. Do you believe any of this _________ bullshit Blaire?
9. Don't look at me, _________ _________.
10. Don't tell me what's important. I've got ___________.

2006-01-11T23:42:00.000+09:00

PREDICTABLE SONGLIST
I should apply for a job at The Gap in their Image\Marketing department. I went there on Monday (a public holiday) to do the usual new year clothes shopping. Before entering I made a mental note to self that I betted I would hear the new Madonna song played while there. Not because it was by Madonna , the Queen of Mainstream in the Mecca of Mainstream fashion, but because the song in question is exactly the kind of 'western' song that gap plays endlessly through their systems in an attempt at pseudo-cool. They try desparately not to be mainstream in the way that Ikea does for furniture in the hopes of catching the plebean clientele that think they are otherwise. I'm not sure in The States but presumably here it's to emphasize the 'westerness' of the store. I actually quite like the song, ripping off Abba's 70's disco tune Gime Gime Gime but quite effectively and the production on the track is awesome, but to hear it at The Gap not once but 3 times was so tiredly predictable. I'm sure it's very carefully chosen as are all aspects of The Gap store experience. They've become bloody expensive recently too except for their really cheap New Year's sales. Hence my purchase of new work dax, much to Inson's delight.
Back at work Ho Humm. Scarey thing is it doesn't bother me this year. Maybe because I haven't started the morning classes yet.
And here we have a picture of Bag at a recent Halloween party dressed as Tron from the movie. You must explain how you made this costume Bag, it's rather cool.

2006-01-08T01:18:00.000+09:00

Bones super cones
To clear up a point, here are the Bone's official super cones. These are in fact a reconstruction of an artists rendition from the red book. These were what Bone called the ideal cones. They are what occupied much of his mind in Year 11 accounting class.
The more I look at that picture of the Glen Pattison sports coach dude, the more I think it's him. It bears a striking resemblance to him with 15 years added and given the name and his penchant for sports, (following not playing) my suspicion increases. The hard part to believe is that this guy is one of Australias TOP coaches and demands $5000 a seminar. How our Bones could become this guy is somewhat of a metamorphosis although if you told me Bones would become a master hypnotist I would refer you to the red book; Quote 'mesmerize people with his fast talk and argue' with a picture of a guy with spirals for eyes as if being hypnotised. Prophetic? Hmm. Bag will let us know just as soon as he walks across the common behind his house and raps on the fateful door.
I wonder if he still drives a Cortina. He always said, if he could choose any car in the world, that would be it.

2006-01-06T23:53:00.000+09:00

This is not me!
http://www.davidgeeforsheriff.com/
Although I did once want to be a police officer.
It was a real brass monkey day today although still no bloody snow! The gods have not been smiling on me this winter. The rest of the country is covered except the small corner with Tokyo in it. It sucks. If your gonna have such bad weather, at least give us the amusement of snow!
Anyway, not going to prattle on about it. My injury appeared to have gone away until I went to gym today for the first time in a month and it came back, though not so bad. It must be muscular but I am prepared to put up with a certain amount of pain in the pursuit of buff. Second day back at work. Not so busy because of no morning classes and fewer than usual students but the spawn I teach were acting up. They're still on holidays so haven't got freedom out of their systems yet.

And here is a self portrait done with head scale carefully callibrated to show you how big my head is and why gym is necessary to 'even out' my body with my head and butt. Since I have been missing gym I have noticed my muscles starting to deflate. It sucks that what is so hard to make, is so easy to lose.

2006-01-06T23:39:00.000+09:00

Well done everyone on the last batch of quotes. I discovered that it is too easy if I give the movie name and google rights so this next batch will be without movie name. You can still google but obnly after everyone has had one attempt from memory only. This next lot will be more obscure and without names. Still may be easy for anyone who has been anywhere near me in the last 15 years for more than 5 minutes. Although people who fit the above criteria and actually listen to my drivel may be rarer. And this time I won't put the answers in, you'll have to check the comments so everyone can have a try.
Anyway, off we go.

1. Chief of the watch, ________ _____ ________!
2. We were using level 5 _________ ________ when we should have been using level 7.
3. No you're fucked,confined to the ___________!
4. More than __________!
5. Lighten up Pops before your _________ ___________.
6. It's people like you what causes __________.
7. Why build one when you can build two at __________ ________ __________.
8. Which ones yours? It's the one that says bad __________ __________.
9. You're a real vulgarian aren't you. Your'e the vulgarian, you ____________!
10. The only way outa here's through that valley, but I wouldn't trust that on a __________ _________ ________.

2006-01-04T22:24:00.000+09:00

THE QUOTES GAME
Ok, some quotes here. Your task is to complete as many as you can. Some are easy, some are difficult, even for people who associate with me. One constant is they are all Dave quotes.

1. Now this is really bad for my asthma.
2. Red Alert! Negative control at _____________.
3. They put creatures in our bodies!
4. ...there's serious metal fatigue in all the load bearing members.
5. Now that is a big door!
6. Ayis Kuchoom Ka Wa Wookie.
7. Sheestimfinsta.Shoot the glass!
8. Gods, what a monster!
9. I ask you to kill superman, and you can't even do that one simple thing.
10. I can't wait to get off this damn _________________.
11. I was wonderin' when el capitan was gonna get a chance to use his pop gun.
12. This facility has a substantial dollar value.
13. God, is that Ivana Trump. What are you thinking Patrick, what would Ivana be doing in ______________ _____________. American Psycho
14. Down Down Down. The _________ ________'s going down. The cable guy
15. It went bad so I had to ______ ___ ____ ___ ____ ________. Evil dead 3

That's just for starters. If some of these quotes are not 100%, I apologize.

2006-01-04T21:44:00.000+09:00

Memoirs of a little Geisha, with Fat headed Dad.
Ok, this is my first post in a while, a piss poor effort but nothing like lots of free time to make it impossible to find the time to do stuff. I swear the only time I don't go to the gym regularly , apart from when suffering mystery ailments, is when I have plenty of time to do so without rushing. When I am busy and in a rush I can always manage to squeeze it in.
On another matter, I used to think about how cool it would be to be transported back into high school in my current mature personage. How conscientious I would be studying! How cool I would be around my peers. eh..well, I don't study enough Japanese now. I don't study enough of anything I should be studying. Lets face it, I am as rude as I was in high school so would sadly, not be the cool kid. The 8 year olds I teach think I'm an embarrassment! Although there are about 5 things I should be doing in my free time towards bettering myself and my employability each night after pondering which one I should do ie. prioritizing, then feeling dismay that I don't have nearly enough time to do them and can't decide which to at least attempt,.... I give up in frustration and decide to play a computer game , leaving it to the proverbial next night. Oh well, another genius with the potential to rule the world falls prey to his own intellect and lack of focus due to the perceived banality of it all in relation to his own higher state of consciousness. While some dim wit whose only saving grace is the ability to focus his or her tiny brain on one simple task at a time plods along and eventually through sheer length of study does end up creating the first teleporter or antigravity device. Or ends up running a top multinational simply because they are not inspired to greater things and keep their noses down in the textbook at hand. Oh well, that was my New Years gripe. So now I have to persevere, only problem is again which way to go. Music, IT,Graphix,Game development,Business Japanese,Writing, Weight Training, Blogging.....he then reaches over for his copy of Unreal Tournament and prepares for a few hours of blissful emptiness inside a game, free of the pressures of advancement.

2005-12-28T23:59:00.000+09:00

Oh no It's the Alien!!
Dodd should appreciate this hi-rez image of the alien from the Commodore64 version of the game. Remembering playing this one, running around the Nostromo and always running into this image. Never did manage to flush it out the airlock.
Memory Quiz. Can you remember all the characters names from Alien (without googling it)? One of the names is on the image. And of course one is Ripley. I always miss one.
Went to Korakuen today with Keb, Chris and Sarah. You will probably get a better story at keb's blog about this one. Most notable point: Yelling 'floppy!' on evey ride coz it's scarier plummeting down an 80 meter drop while your body is completely relaxed, than when rigid.
Best ride: The Thunder Dolphin rollercoaster 80 meters and smoooth.
Worst ride: The Fantasy Illusion crappy seat rockin' dome projector crappy crapitty crap ride.
Worst restaurant: The hotdog factory 'coz it's next to the horse racing betting joint and filled with smoking old doods who only order coffee. (sorry guys, my call)
Worst luck: Bumpin into snotty kid students (not mine but Kebs and Chris's)
Best Quote: Kurt after freefalling 80 meters on the tower hacker. I really didn't enjoy that
and of course Floppy!

2005-12-26T22:16:00.000+09:00

Merry Christmas to all and Sundry.
We had the usual big christmas party including the long lost Spish and Chris in their debut Japan Gee Chrissie bash. Notable attendants, the ever troubled Nigel made his first appearance since er last christmas. That's consistency for you. And in work attire he was the boss so we had to behave ourselves. Above is a picture of Randy, and no this photo has NOT been photoshopped. He puts my naturally spherized headz to shame. Full points for that hed.
Lisa got, as part of her hoard of prezzies, a four faced rubix cube (pictured). Still not sure if it's rediculously easy or fiendishly difficult. The jury's out on this one as I have only gotten one side one colour yet and only in alcoholically enhanced state. Will reveal results when sober. Thanks everyone who gave cool prezzies. Lisa's favourite is the doggy dollhouse from Randy but loves all of the received toys. Currently playing with the hamster in a plastic ball. Hours of fun for the whole family. In the picture is my latest creation made especially for the party. It was supposed to be a playdoh disco ball but looks more like an alien mushroom or a nuclear explosion but either way,an eye turner. It flashes too! Everyone should have one, impress your friends! Fun at parties! It slices, dices, juliennes and comes in a beaut swuedette pouch. Anyway, tonight for dinner was the madatory leftover turkey in sandwich manifestation and if the natural progression of leftovers continues, will reappear once more as some sort of miced pie in combination with the last stand of Potato Salad and the Vegetable gang at which point we will all rejoice that we have seen the last of said bird and infernal condiments. However we will not grieve their passing but will remember the good times and satisfied stomachs that they brought upon the partygoers lest we take for granted that which David lugged across Tokyo in a dripping cold bag.
Sorry to see Kurt couldn't make it due to the Pox. We all thought about him lying at home in bed watching Lord of the Rings ( a kebber tradition it would seem) and assure him that he was in our hearts and minds and he'd better not use this as an excuse not to give me prezzies! Actually Kurt, if you're reading, I still owe you for 'Electronics for Dummies'. If you are really lucky I may present you with the Playdoh DiscoBall™,

almost there.

2005-12-23T00:50:00.000+09:00

Have you ever seen a ruder bike seat? So you can ride it backwards as easily as forwards.
It's almost over. One more working day to go before Christmas. As a celebration I subjected my students to vegemite and strangely most of them liked it. Perhaps because I warned them beforehand that the lovely chocolaty facade harboured a taste that to put it mildly needs to be aquired...at least for non-stralians. I also played them the remix I made of a class conversation tape. The textbook tape conversations are cliche, overacted and sometimes downright racist. One has a black couple trying to convince another black kid to come with them, steal a car and go joyriding. He agrees. Then the same couple ask a nice wholesome whiteboy and he declines, presumably because nice white boys don't commit such heinous crimes. It's so bad I had to mix the dialogue into a hiphop track with scratching, sirens and ghetto sounds. Needless to say, the students liked the new version better. I think I'll send it to the text publisher.
Pin is better. I still have my pain but I'm back at gym, at least for the time being. Pretty sure it's not stones as food does not effect it in anyway. Could be pleuracy since it's around the ribcage, but only on one side, hmmm. I guess the smart thing would be to go to the doctor again. Naaaa I'm enjoying the Housish diagnostics. Actually I am going to the doctor to get flu vaccine next week so kiilin' 2 birds with 1 stone.

In the old days....

2005-12-19T23:30:00.000+09:00

Kurt, finding your lack of faith disturbing.
It occurs to me (while watching an Agetha Christie mystery on TV) that when we laugh at our grandmothers for calling our girlfriends Strumpets, Jezebels and Floozies we forget that our grandchildren will chuckle at our accusations of Slut, Slag,and Bitchqueen while they call their promiscuous peers Phoboids, Rhombs and Nimbus (maybe) . Grannies of the later 21st century will have pierced bellybuttons, tattoos and when they hang their G strings on the clothes line their grandchildren will look on in amusement at how big they are. Their undergarments will probably consist of little more than an ideal floating in the ether never to properly manifest on this material plane.
Pin has another fever. If I had 1 cent for every fever Pin had I'd have 12 cents. She says strange things and looks like she is having a visionquest. Delerium can be such a trip. I remember being the same way as a kid and scaring Mum too. One recalls parents toying with the idea of employing the services of a priest to exorcise my tormented soul. Took Pin to daycare with a fever and dropped her off quickly before the minders could reject her. Kind of like dropping off an overdue videotape really quickly and hoping the spotty guy behind the counter won't notice but knowing in the back of your mind that they'll just get you next time. In Pins case later in the day having to go back and pick her up early. Oh well, a few hours of grace, enough to teach my morning class at any rate.
On careful deliberation, I cannot remember once ever paying for school photos as a kid. My mothers ability to evade the school bursar was exemplary. Well, she could always just not go to the school, unlike yours truly who was the buffer and pleaded ignorance.(Which as we know is no excuse) And Bag wonders how I became so good and murkifying my financial position.

She still has all the photos however.

2005-12-16T00:16:00.000+09:00

So everyday on the way to my morning classes I pass a park and usually sit in it for about ten minutes to collect my thoughts over a morning canned coffee. This usually prompts a slash in the local public bozzer. So I was quite surprised that someone had left a laserdisc (not cd) above the urinal. No it wasn't Gigli as you might imagine of a movie left in the toilet. It was a karaoke disc. I tried to imagine what songs it might have contained to be deposited in a urinal. David Hasselhoffs Christmas songs? The collected works of Milli Vanilli, Aka Bilk or Billy Ray Cyrus. Or possibly Mums all time fave Feargal Sharkey with 'A good smoothie these days is hard to find'.
Only is Pondenzz I guess.
Pin has a fever and Inson has to stay home tomorrow which means I can sleep in a little woohoo!! I still have my pain but I'm getting rather fond of it. We have been having such intimate conversations.

2005-12-14T22:40:00.000+09:00

A couple of scraps of paper that I found in the depths of my wallet that have been there since highschool I guess. 18 years ago? Spish will kill me for this. The chick was just someone out of the paper I liked at the time and the other one is Bag's Uncle as the head that sprouts eyes and legs in the movie 'the thing'. I say bags uncle because he had a nightmare about it years ago. I couldn't let that one pass without some form of pisstake. Although Bag is the only person other than myself that was emotionally scarred by that movie. While everybody else I knew was talking about how scary Evil Dead was, or The Exorcist, I was cowering in corners waiting for the pet dog's head to peel open like a banana and try to absorb me.
BryophytoBagoPhun.
Bag has begun a rival Bloge over at
http://bagophun.blogspot.com/
with some interesting sketches done by yours truly, including the infamous 'Lamonde and the Deslock gun' A definate must see for any Gree aficionado's. I hear much of the Dunny graffiti collection will be on display in the coming weeks. For anyone who doesn't know this is stuff we wrote one the walls of the toilet whilst living at the Fear's (the worm) place. Of course it wasn't on the actual wall but on A4 paper stuck to the walls. There were at least 10 pages I guess and Bag the master archivist has restored and digitally reproduced these precious images for the world to see.
Future displays such as 'degrees of things' and 'Gree soup' are eagerly anticipated.

triplets

2005-12-14T00:39:00.000+09:00

Cheese and chive muffins, chicken and corn fratata, ham and cheese parcels

Locks, knobs and knockers
Fit, stain and deliver
Free measure and quote

Sonklara doncaster
Sawadee Middle park
and
Koh Samui somewhere else.

She rolls it and folds it and rolls it again. Layer upon layer upon layer

Peel off to the right, hang on tight and there you are.

It rubs the lotion onto it's skin or it gets the hose again.

f,dup f,dup f,dup In the back of Bags car at the footie.

Playdough lightcycle

2005-12-12T23:52:00.000+09:00

If Flynn 'd had a playdough lightcycle he wouldn't have had to worry about crashing into Sark. This one was made to distract Pin from my limited edition collectable lightcycle which she is always trying to cram Brian (see last post) into. Alas, it only works as a decoy if I pretend it's better which I neglected to do and so she saw right through my ploy.
If everyone in the world was me, would I be happy? Don't know but I would certainly be not lacking for amusement. All my mates would be interested in the same thing so we could talk for hours. Probably be trying to outdo each other for rudeness all the time, and the highest salary job in Greeworld would be fast food server, because I cannot think of a worse job. Doctors wouldn't make so much coz most of 'em do it out of some altruistic predispositions. Lawyers love their jobs too much so don't need so much of an incentive to work. The 5.30pm MASH slot would always get the highest ratings, even after 40 years straight. And of course Tron would take out all the Oscars including best picture, best actor and best historical adaption.
My latest self diagnosis is intercostal muscular skeletal injury due to overtraining at gym. The doctors probably gonna do a House on me and call me an idiot and insist on a rectal digital examination and bring out The Latex Glove From Hell.
I have another hobby which is taking photos of gloves I see abandoned by the road. Been collecting for three years now and I have about 150 gloves. I'm gonna put them all together and make a music video with them one day. I found a black leather glove with diamond studs the other day hanging from a bush while with Spish and Chris. It's the holy grail of gloves. If you can top that, without setting it up (that's cheating) send me a picture.
End of Line

Back from Hakone

2005-12-11T21:59:00.000+09:00

Ahh, that was nice, two days in the hills away from the smog and crowds, well away from the smog at least although the crowds weren't too bad since they were mostly young women. Tried a wine flavored hotspring, tea flavor, charcoal, coffee, sake, a cave, waterfall, swimming pool sized one and one under a black light. I was happy that the water wasn't too hot this time. I don't have the Japanese ability to boil oneself alive and enjoy it. Overall a great trip. Not as many bikini girls as last time but you can't have it all can you. Pin felt a little sick on the bus down the mountain. Like father like daughter. I remember when I was a kid, it wasn't a good trip if I didn't ralph on the way down the winding roads in the back of Dad's Premier stationwagon. We travelled in style in those days. Lying on doonas in the back all the way from Brisbane to Melbourne with a leg stretch in Dubbo, and always voshing. I remember voshing once coz I saw Dodd vosh. A chain of events as it were. Pin didn't vosh, just looked a bit green faced. Unlike my parents, I pointed out that if you look out the front you feel better and she was fine, with some help from Inson and a plastic turtle named Brian.
Also a picture of my computer space and another of my creations.

2005-12-09T00:00:00.000+09:00

Here are a couple of pictures of a computer I made. It's HAL from 2001 made from an old crappy computer case, some aluminium and an old camera lens. It even speaks when you boot it up. Currently running WinXP but soon to be Linux. (when I find the time)
Cutting the Aluminium with a dremel was very noisy and as I don't have a workshop, only the balcony to my apartment, stupidly unsafe too. I solved the noise issue (neighbours in Japan complain if you fart too loud) by timing my cutting to be during lunchtime on weekdays, when I'm home, at which time recently we have had construction workers sandblasting the building across the road. Worked a treat. No complaints and no lost fingers.

electrodude

2005-12-07T23:07:00.000+09:00

Ultrabright LEDs for this guy.

Free Time

2005-12-07T23:06:00.000+09:00

red and white men
I told you I likes LEDs, well here are a couple of things I've made with them. Red playdough hedz with blue LEDs and a clay head with same. And you thought I was without talent! I've made some other stuff too which I will post in later entries.
I had to do a class yesterday which was on pronunciation but it was abbreviated in the schedule to 'Pron' Much as I'd like to teach 'Pron' to the local girls I think the management would object. Especially the practical application classes.
I've gotta stop watching 'House' and using online symptom diagnosis. I have had mild chest pain recently and these things make me believe I've got a tumor, heart attack, angina, menengitis (despite being a brain disease) bowel obstruction, gallstones, kidney stones, rolling stones, various worms and parasites etc. My doctor says I stress too much. Mum thinks its the gallstones and Pin doesn't care, she just likes jumping up and down said tender areas.
Inson still isn't home yet, Lisa's sleeping and I'm all MASHed out for the night. Might be time to crank up the old mixer and do a bit of musak.
If your interested my music page is

http://www.aten.co.jp/FLAK/

assuming the link will be posted.
See ya later..If I don't have an infarction tonight while sleeping.

2005-12-07T00:29:00.000+09:00

Me, after seeing the price of Hotspring packages

So we decided it is time to have a relaxing weekend in the coutry at a hot spring resort to unwind but, as is usual here in Japan, after seeing the prices my blood pressure went up and I ended up more stressed than ever. I could fly to Seoul for these prices!! I've never investigated vacation prices in Japan without being really shocked.
First stage DENIAL: It must be a mistake. They can't be that expensive!
Second stage ANGER: How dare they charge those outlandish prices!!
Third stage BARGAINING: Maybe if we brought PIN in a suitcase and didn't feed her it would be cheaper!
Fourth stage DEPRESSION: We're just never going to have a nice holiday :(
Fifth stage ACCEPTANCE: OK OK , I guess we can afford that. I'll just have to put in a few more hours a day at work for the next year.

And off we go....

The Cage of Rage.

2005-12-06T00:17:00.000+09:00

There once was a Budgie named Ritchie,
He bit any finger that came near his cage,
He died unappreciated and unwanted.

Don't let this happen to you.

PIN (Lisa, my daughter) got angry today on the way to daycare because she was trying to put on a pair of woollen gloves and two fingers kept going into one glove finger. Dodd (bro) used to get the same kind of frustration when he was little. It always spirals into utter frustration. She then used the force, became one with the world and the glove slid on like a..er well..a glove.

In the beginning...

2005-12-05T00:07:00.000+09:00

Ok. So I finally decided to cave in to pressure and begin a blog. Not so much because my life is interesting or my thoughts profound, or even the fact that the person who amuses me the most is me (Think Nirvana) but because those left behind in Australia wanna know what I'm actually doing here (In Japan) other than spawning semi-indigenous life forms and teaching English to the locals.
So I'm not really sure how this will turn out. Lots of "What I did today's" or maybe more "What I think about's" We'll see. Anyway, on with the show!
So Today was Sunday and I spent it in the house with Lisa (my 3 year old) while my wife trundled off to get a haircut. Recently I've been watching three TV shows, alternating between them. The Excellent House MD, CSI (the original) and MASH. MASH is a little scary because I grew up with it and although I haven't seen it for more than 10 years, I still remember every word before it comes out of Hawkeyes mouth. It's almost surreal.And although completely different it shows many similarities to House MD. Both have Doctors with hang-ups and both include the phrases 'subdural hematoma' and'Myocardial Infarction' despite being 30 years apart. What does this mean? I called Sarah (my sister) in an attempt to find out. She too has been watching House and although she hasn't been watching MASH, she was subjected to the same Pavlovian brainwashing that I was as a child and needs no mental prompting. Alas she could shed no new light on the subject except to note that House uses the term 'vasculitis' quite often along with 'pulmonary embolism' (excuse the heroic spelling) which do NOT appear in MASH , probably due to advances in medical technology in the last 30 years. She did mention however that House and CSI share the expressions 'anaphalactic shock' but that CSI also uses 'blunt force trauma' which House does not. I fear the only way to really get to the meat of the issue will be to type up a multiple choice quiz for those around me and see if their knowledge of inter-TV drama jargon is as complete as mine. Meanwhile Lisa, who I have conditioned to actually tolerate my MASH binges sits quietly coloring in pages I downloaded from the net in the livingroom. Although she prefers the animal pictues to the Tron (disney) ones I found. I guess you can't win'em all.
Dave out.